HARD TO BE?
As this world turns and revovles around it's axies... as nature takes it's course with the food chain and everydays pass just so simply.... i sit here wondering why is it so hard to be just yourself in this world.... many people put a mask on whenever they are outside, away from themselves...some are good deep inside but they put a mask of horridness.... some are really nasty inside and they put a mask of angelicness in front.... is everyone doom to place a mask?... have we become so afraid to be social outcast that we fake it to get in?.... or are we just all faking to fake it?.... i must admit... i myself put on a mask when i go out.... a mask that i wish i could throw out yet am afraid that without it.... i might get hurt.... where does the line between fake and guarding yourself is? when is putting a mask on good and when is it bad?.... why is it so diffcult to be myself?... why is it so difficult to be accepted for the real person you are?.... and if i do the right thing, the brave thing and lay down my mask for the whole world to see.... would it make a difference? or will i just make a fool of myself?.....
I so truly want to get rid of my mask.... i so truly am tired of pretending... but yet.... i can't seem to find my true self.... mayb putting on a mask have hide my true self that i forgotten who i really am.... oh GOD.... i really need you to help me find myself....

hey hey!... well.. so much for trying to cultivate new habits... i can nvr seem to get around blogging everyday like some people do... i guess... what can i say... maybe i'm just a private person... hehehe... no... i think it's also partly coz there's not new or interesting about my life to actually write about... and to actually write down every single thing i did or didn't do the whole day... well.. i dunno.. i jus can't seem to do it... newa.. life's been a bit busy lately and my finals are only a month away... my second assignments are all coming and i bet life's gonna get busier these few weeks... my college has grown... from a 6 people college to a staggering 44 people... and i heard there's more people coming in next sem. so PRAISE THE LORD! i'm finally not alone in a world full of guys... as now girls have increase. not that i complain getting alot of big bro's to take care of me and not to mention the "special treatment" i get sometimes coz i was 1 of 2 gals amount the guys in college... but alas... it's good too to finally have company that truly understands you...=)... oh yes... i still haven't been able to drive yet... always seems to have a nack for running things over whenever i drive... sigh!... (when will i be able to master this most challenging task yet)....hm... other than that?... nothing much... when for Heal The Nation concert... though was a waste i didn't get to go for the conference due to classes... i was so tempted to skip.. but my concious was too strong to ignore.. so had to scrifice...but anyhow.. i'm very interested to go to Youth Pastor's skool this year.. and i think i might actually already hav the approval of my parents to go...YEAH!.. oh yes... last thing.. i sang in front of about 300 people on sat. for a wedding.. though everyone was eating (to my great relieve) and i dun think many people actually listened, but... now.. i feel good bout myself.. at least i gave it a try... it was a huge step for me i must say... so anyhow... i've jus had another blog in friendster.. and if i dun update here then hopefully it must be in the friendster blog... so... if you wanna know more about me life... and feelings... add me k?... i miss everyone so much... add me k?
friendster :- manda_leong@yahoo.com
High5 :- manda_leong@yahoo.com
MSN :- mandy_crystalbluei@hotmail.com
other e-mails :- ilovejesus_bubbles@yahoo.com
Handphone Num :- 0163247704
House :- 0378040204
anything else?... hm... just mail me and i'll get to ya!..
see ya around dudes and duddets!!

agape,
manda the panda who eats banana and wears a bandana, who sings lalala and is full of blah blah blah... hehehehe JK!!

yo ppl!!!.... hehehehe... i still dunno if anyone is reading my blog due to my habit of not updating .... so sorry... but i'm not really good at this blogging stuff... newa... ha! finally change my template to sumthing..... less boring.... newa... about my life... i passed my driving in one take and now i am free to roam the streets... that is if i can get my mum to buy me a car and if i can overcome my fear of driving on the road... but hey!... i'm sure i'll get over it.... someday... hehehe... jus joking... college life is not easy and i find myself doin better than i ever did in skool... hehehe... i do miss my friends in form 6 but the thought of not needing to go through STPM make college worth while.. hehehe.... other than that life is jus normal and the same... a lot of ppl has been asking my if i hav a BF a not... so let me tell u all..... I"M STILL SINGLE AND AVAILABLE! and definately NOT desperate.. hehehe... now must study hard first then later onli think about BF.... hehehe... how about target some ask... well.... got target lah... but i not intersted lah.... must wait... like the song me n bekah sang in form 5... "wait for me" by rebecca st.james... so must waitlah.... hopefully, God will honor me for waiting..=p!... newa..yup! that's all bout my life... i'll try to update soon... but i can't promise anything as things are beginning to pile up here in college... love you all!!! GOD BLESS!!

i pass my undang!!!! Yipee!!!!!.....
hahaha... i feel so happy today... pass my undang with a proud 48 out of 50.... hehehehe... seriously... thought i will really fail.... but by God's grace... I didn't!!!.... now... sigh.... got 6 more assignment that needs to be handed up by the end of this month!!!...... STRESS!!!!!.... shoot man... 2 is group work... and the rest is individual... who would ever though there would be a little time for so many things to be done..... sigh... looks like my chinese new year is gone out the window this year.... sigh.... hope i get better $$ than last year.... not that i want it..... i just... well.... dun mind having a little extra this year hehehe =p.... but if i really think.... this year is kinda sad... started the new year with so much sorrow as there was the tsunami... wonder if all of us can really celebrate .....
Life has been fine for me.... and have i mention it?... God has been really doing some wonderful miracles in my Youth.... i'm real happy that we are all so hype up for GOd... just pray that it'll last.... there is so many things that happend and yet there are somany things that i wish i could put it down with words but i can't.... must really see it for youself.... all in all!!!.... i really LOVE GOD!!!.... and m super thankful for everything he's done... OOPS!!!... yikes!!.... my teacher is here liao... gotta run.... update later k?... bye ppl!!!... and happy Chinese New Year

Hey hey!!!... to be fairly honest with u all... i dun really like to write a lot... i would prefer to actually express myself in person and i suppose it also depends alot on my mood... =)... so... so sorry fro not really bother to update my blog... tat was also due my internet connetction... it has been down for some time

newa, a new year has come and i can't believe i'm another year older... it only seems like yesterday when i was still in skool... but i can surely be honest that last year was one of my hardest years... wat is to be expected this year...i'm still waiting to see... but after everything i've been through.... it sounds exicting....

many things have been happening in my youth group in church and as for college there have been additions of pupils.... frankly speaking... hahaha... there are more guys now than gals.... ratio about 1:5... tat is 1 gal to 5 guys... hahaha it's very weird for me but adjusting to the new enviroment...
well.... i guess tat's all... remind me next time to really write down in detail from dec 04 to jan 05.... there's alot of stuff...

hey people!... hehehe... finally posting and updating without being ask to do so.... hehehe....
well.... so.... life here is okaylah not too bad... though now all the assignments are literally pouring in and my first due date is this friday!.... i have only finished half.... and struggling
through the other half.... hope everything will be fine.... still feeling bored in college and not much to talk about now a days.... newa... gtg... see ya... got some extra stuff to do... update again later.. bye

now.... for my newest entry...

..... sigh.... life here been tough... everything use to be so simple in skool... not much choices u have to make that will determind ur future... sigh... sigh... i only have 5 friends here and most of them are guys... it's not that i'm against guys but... it would help to have some female around.... my circle of friends have shrink from 50++ till 5.... not very use to it.... i dunno sometimes i still kinda question my choice... eventhough i no it's obviously of no use but i still can't help but to think if what i had done was the right thing to do... was it what God wanted me to do?... or was i blinded with so much emotion that i failed to see what he really wanted?... is this his 2nd choice for me?... or is it the choice he really wanted me to take?.... i have to confess... i haven't felt like myself throughout this year... it was so tough for me.... i still dunno if i'm ok till now!... i pray i am...i never thought that life after secondary skool would be so hard.... i'm gonna be an adult!... can u believe that!... i never really wanted to grow up... i just pray that i'll still be able to have fun even when next time i'll be a old grandmother... hehehe...i really wish i can see u all again... u all were my pillar of support and now without u all... i dunno.... of course GOd is the ulitimate supporter....but come to think of it... the reason i ever did anything is because of u all.... i really miss u all!.... pls keep me in your prayer k?.... thanks!
mandy

hey hey!.... hehehe.. to answer u... sarah... ya... i no more in form 6 liao... i'm studying in college... got a scholarship... but must keep my grades up lah.... how to comment on my post?..... actually... i veri jakun onelah... i dunno anything about html or what so ever.... that's why my blog so yuck!... hehehe.... i can try, but i doubt i can... hehehe.... so sorry for all those late updates... not use to owning a blog....