Pick ME! jesus!

2006-03-27T07:13:00.000-08:00

HARD TO BE?
As this world turns and revovles around it's axies... as nature takes it's course with the food chain and everydays pass just so simply.... i sit here wondering why is it so hard to be just yourself in this world.... many people put a mask on whenever they are outside, away from themselves...some are good deep inside but they put a mask of horridness.... some are really nasty inside and they put a mask of angelicness in front.... is everyone doom to place a mask?... have we become so afraid to be social outcast that we fake it to get in?.... or are we just all faking to fake it?.... i must admit... i myself put on a mask when i go out.... a mask that i wish i could throw out yet am afraid that without it.... i might get hurt.... where does the line between fake and guarding yourself is? when is putting a mask on good and when is it bad?.... why is it so diffcult to be myself?... why is it so difficult to be accepted for the real person you are?.... and if i do the right thing, the brave thing and lay down my mask for the whole world to see.... would it make a difference? or will i just make a fool of myself?.....
I so truly want to get rid of my mask.... i so truly am tired of pretending... but yet.... i can't seem to find my true self.... mayb putting on a mask have hide my true self that i forgotten who i really am.... oh GOD.... i really need you to help me find myself....

2005-06-08T05:29:00.000-07:00

hey hey!... well.. so much for trying to cultivate new habits... i can nvr seem to get around blogging everyday like some people do... i guess... what can i say... maybe i'm just a private person... hehehe... no... i think it's also partly coz there's not new or interesting about my life to actually write about... and to actually write down every single thing i did or didn't do the whole day... well.. i dunno.. i jus can't seem to do it... newa.. life's been a bit busy lately and my finals are only a month away... my second assignments are all coming and i bet life's gonna get busier these few weeks... my college has grown... from a 6 people college to a staggering 44 people... and i heard there's more people coming in next sem. so PRAISE THE LORD! i'm finally not alone in a world full of guys... as now girls have increase. not that i complain getting alot of big bro's to take care of me and not to mention the "special treatment" i get sometimes coz i was 1 of 2 gals amount the guys in college... but alas... it's good too to finally have company that truly understands you...=)... oh yes... i still haven't been able to drive yet... always seems to have a nack for running things over whenever i drive... sigh!... (when will i be able to master this most challenging task yet)....hm... other than that?... nothing much... when for Heal The Nation concert... though was a waste i didn't get to go for the conference due to classes... i was so tempted to skip.. but my concious was too strong to ignore.. so had to scrifice...but anyhow.. i'm very interested to go to Youth Pastor's skool this year.. and i think i might actually already hav the approval of my parents to go...YEAH!.. oh yes... last thing.. i sang in front of about 300 people on sat. for a wedding.. though everyone was eating (to my great relieve) and i dun think many people actually listened, but... now.. i feel good bout myself.. at least i gave it a try... it was a huge step for me i must say... so anyhow... i've jus had another blog in friendster.. and if i dun update here then hopefully it must be in the friendster blog... so... if you wanna know more about me life... and feelings... add me k?... i miss everyone so much... add me k?
friendster :- manda_leong@yahoo.com
High5 :- manda_leong@yahoo.com
MSN :- mandy_crystalbluei@hotmail.com
other e-mails :- ilovejesus_bubbles@yahoo.com
Handphone Num :- 0163247704
House :- 0378040204
anything else?... hm... just mail me and i'll get to ya!..
see ya around dudes and duddets!!

agape,
manda the panda who eats banana and wears a bandana, who sings lalala and is full of blah blah blah... hehehehe JK!!

2005-04-11T18:17:00.000-07:00

yo ppl!!!.... hehehehe... i still dunno if anyone is reading my blog due to my habit of not updating .... so sorry... but i'm not really good at this blogging stuff... newa... ha! finally change my template to sumthing..... less boring.... newa... about my life... i passed my driving in one take and now i am free to roam the streets... that is if i can get my mum to buy me a car and if i can overcome my fear of driving on the road... but hey!... i'm sure i'll get over it.... someday... hehehe... jus joking... college life is not easy and i find myself doin better than i ever did in skool... hehehe... i do miss my friends in form 6 but the thought of not needing to go through STPM make college worth while.. hehehe.... other than that life is jus normal and the same... a lot of ppl has been asking my if i hav a BF a not... so let me tell u all..... I"M STILL SINGLE AND AVAILABLE! and definately NOT desperate.. hehehe... now must study hard first then later onli think about BF.... hehehe... how about target some ask... well.... got target lah... but i not intersted lah.... must wait... like the song me n bekah sang in form 5... "wait for me" by rebecca st.james... so must waitlah.... hopefully, God will honor me for waiting..=p!... newa..yup! that's all bout my life... i'll try to update soon... but i can't promise anything as things are beginning to pile up here in college... love you all!!! GOD BLESS!!

2005-02-03T18:58:00.000-08:00

i pass my undang!!!! Yipee!!!!!.....
hahaha... i feel so happy today... pass my undang with a proud 48 out of 50.... hehehehe... seriously... thought i will really fail.... but by God's grace... I didn't!!!.... now... sigh.... got 6 more assignment that needs to be handed up by the end of this month!!!...... STRESS!!!!!.... shoot man... 2 is group work... and the rest is individual... who would ever though there would be a little time for so many things to be done..... sigh... looks like my chinese new year is gone out the window this year.... sigh.... hope i get better $$ than last year.... not that i want it..... i just... well.... dun mind having a little extra this year hehehe =p.... but if i really think.... this year is kinda sad... started the new year with so much sorrow as there was the tsunami... wonder if all of us can really celebrate .....
Life has been fine for me.... and have i mention it?... God has been really doing some wonderful miracles in my Youth.... i'm real happy that we are all so hype up for GOd... just pray that it'll last.... there is so many things that happend and yet there are somany things that i wish i could put it down with words but i can't.... must really see it for youself.... all in all!!!.... i really LOVE GOD!!!.... and m super thankful for everything he's done... OOPS!!!... yikes!!.... my teacher is here liao... gotta run.... update later k?... bye ppl!!!... and happy Chinese New Year

2005-01-24T07:40:00.000-08:00

Hey hey!!!... to be fairly honest with u all... i dun really like to write a lot... i would prefer to actually express myself in person and i suppose it also depends alot on my mood... =)... so... so sorry fro not really bother to update my blog... tat was also due my internet connetction... it has been down for some time

newa, a new year has come and i can't believe i'm another year older... it only seems like yesterday when i was still in skool... but i can surely be honest that last year was one of my hardest years... wat is to be expected this year...i'm still waiting to see... but after everything i've been through.... it sounds exicting....

many things have been happening in my youth group in church and as for college there have been additions of pupils.... frankly speaking... hahaha... there are more guys now than gals.... ratio about 1:5... tat is 1 gal to 5 guys... hahaha it's very weird for me but adjusting to the new enviroment...
well.... i guess tat's all... remind me next time to really write down in detail from dec 04 to jan 05.... there's alot of stuff...

2004-11-02T21:14:00.000-08:00

hey people!... hehehe... finally posting and updating without being ask to do so.... hehehe....
well.... so.... life here is okaylah not too bad... though now all the assignments are literally pouring in and my first due date is this friday!.... i have only finished half.... and struggling
through the other half.... hope everything will be fine.... still feeling bored in college and not much to talk about now a days.... newa... gtg... see ya... got some extra stuff to do... update again later.. bye

2004-10-27T21:05:00.000-07:00

now.... for my newest entry...

..... sigh.... life here been tough... everything use to be so simple in skool... not much choices u have to make that will determind ur future... sigh... sigh... i only have 5 friends here and most of them are guys... it's not that i'm against guys but... it would help to have some female around.... my circle of friends have shrink from 50++ till 5.... not very use to it.... i dunno sometimes i still kinda question my choice... eventhough i no it's obviously of no use but i still can't help but to think if what i had done was the right thing to do... was it what God wanted me to do?... or was i blinded with so much emotion that i failed to see what he really wanted?... is this his 2nd choice for me?... or is it the choice he really wanted me to take?.... i have to confess... i haven't felt like myself throughout this year... it was so tough for me.... i still dunno if i'm ok till now!... i pray i am...i never thought that life after secondary skool would be so hard.... i'm gonna be an adult!... can u believe that!... i never really wanted to grow up... i just pray that i'll still be able to have fun even when next time i'll be a old grandmother... hehehe...i really wish i can see u all again... u all were my pillar of support and now without u all... i dunno.... of course GOd is the ulitimate supporter....but come to think of it... the reason i ever did anything is because of u all.... i really miss u all!.... pls keep me in your prayer k?.... thanks!
mandy

2004-10-27T21:00:00.000-07:00

hey hey!.... hehehe.. to answer u... sarah... ya... i no more in form 6 liao... i'm studying in college... got a scholarship... but must keep my grades up lah.... how to comment on my post?..... actually... i veri jakun onelah... i dunno anything about html or what so ever.... that's why my blog so yuck!... hehehe.... i can try, but i doubt i can... hehehe.... so sorry for all those late updates... not use to owning a blog....

2004-10-14T23:21:00.000-07:00

hello?....
i'm so sorry for not updating my blog... i tried to but my house punya com ada masalah sikit and also because i was on holiday... so i couldn't use the college's com.... newa.... here i am back in college again still with only 6 friends.... feeling a bit a miss..... really miss all my school friendslah.... college is great... been doing great in studies.... but real different from high skool... assignment here is never spoon fed... and must do a lot of research in order to get good greds... so cham huh..... but i'm real blessed cause we get all the attention from the leactures... hehehe.... haven't been myself for a long time.... dunno why.... maybe not use to the enviorment or maybe there's no friends here that actually triggers the inner self..... really wish i could see all of u again... reacently when for the Asia Pacific Family Dialogue thingy and oklah.. but was not really interesting to me as i'm not married or anything yet.... but over all oklah.... not too bad... at least get to meet some old and new friends..... oh ya.... i almost forgot... hehehe.... i won the stars contest for some conserts.... hehehe... and i got to attend 2 conserts in a week....!... that was blues and alicia keys.... wasn't a real fan of blue but still oklah.... not bad their performance... i still like alicia key's .... her vocal is like... super dupa chun!!!!.... i wish to be able to sing like her one day.... only... dunno when that one day will come lah.... but as i was attending these consert... i see them perform... i ask myself a question.... why and whom are they performing for?... i mean when i dunno bout u guys but when i'm on stage and i perform.... i know that i'm doin for God but when i see them perform i really want to ask them who and why are they performing for?... there got to be something greater than what they are doing and i wonder if the know about it?... i wonder if they have ever feel tired and empty inside?.... and if they do, what motivates them to go on?....i mean... i myself have felt empty so many times inside, not satisfided with who i am angry at who i have become... what about them?.... am i just the only one that feels that way... feeling so senseless, so worthless, so ashame?..... i have a lot of free time lately so sorry if i over think but i dunno... there are so many things, mysteries in life that u can't help but ask god bout it... yet sometimes He choose to keep silent about it.... but like a friend of mine once told me.... learn to love the questions.... and God will provide the answers later... and that's what i'm trying to do now... loving the questions... and waiting for the answers... though i have to admit... waiting is not really pleasent but i believe that as i wait... God is also teaching my patients.... so... i just hope that one day i get to hear all the answers that i have been asking.... and i pray that i'll actually be able to be the person God wants me to be.... take care u all!!!
mandy

2004-09-07T22:38:00.000-07:00

hey! hey!
so sorry so long never update hehehe...not so free lah... lots to do and to think of it... the classes is not even in full swing yet... hehehe... i miss you all so much!.... so sorry tze yuen( hehehe spell correct liao?).... i didn't mean it!!!!!... sheehs... this typing courses i've been doing online has make my typing even worst!.... oh terrance.... the doc... ya of course i remember you! =P.... my week has been filled with quite exicting things... hehehe... my dad went to singapore... and so i have no transport to college except by LRT and bus.... i've been trying actually to learn how to take a bus.... but always fail! =p.. when my dad was still around... so monday was the real deal... and God really helped me... hehehe... i didn't know u have to ring the bell if you wanna stop at a certain bus stop... i mean... dun they stop themselves?.... hm... seelah.. my public transport skills... so poor... but thank god someone else was also stopping at the same stop so he press the bell... and i also quickly get out... hehehe... that time onli got 4 ppl in the bus... and if he didn't ring the bell... i dunno where i'll be... hehehe... good experience for me... sigh.. today also must take bus home... so cham....*sob*sob*... oh i heard quite a few ppl from cf kena Ns true ah?... i wanna know who lah... oh and rose?... if the critise ya.... tell him and ingnore... no point fighting fire with fire... i miss u rose... call me lah!.... and u owe me a lot of dates!... pedicure, coffee bean and salon.... take care all of ya k?

2004-08-18T23:12:00.000-07:00

hey ppl!.... i'm so shock to see familar names in my chatbox..... tze yuan!.... melissa!... sayang!... oh my... i'm so touch... how are all u ppl!..... i haven't seen u ppl like.... shessh.... since ever!... gosh really miss all of u... ya u heard me right... i'm in college now... it's a new college called life college....it's a christian college and i'm here.... it's in pj... near old town in a building called pan global building, jln. tandang.... i'm studying business till i get a degree then hopefully i can go aussie to further my studies... hehehe... u all know where lah.... gosh... college life is so much different from skool life... it's so much more slumber... dun have to work so hard and i kinda miss getting torture by all the homework..... form 6 is also fun while it lasted... i learn alot and met alot of new friends.... so happy!.... newa... college now got asignment liao and must pass up this monday... scary lah... dunno if can finish in time a not... and also my english is not very good wan lah.... and everything is in english now... very scare i fail lah.... newa... gtg... class starts soon... love u guys.... really miss each and every one of you.... stay close to God k?... always in my prayers....
manda

2004-07-28T23:20:00.000-07:00

hey ppl!.... i'm so sorry... didn't really know why i didn't say this earlier but actually i'm in college now... Life college... it's a new CHRISTIAN college... all the students and tutors here are christian... cool right?.... not that bad... but sometimes i wonder if i've made the right choice... =(
but it's cool... the facilities here are great.. got gym, swimming pool... and lots more... oh... i'm taking diploma in business.... got a scholarship ..... it'oklah... but it's kinda bored with only 6 students around... Including me... but hey..... we all have faith that this college will grow ya?.... newa... gtg got class.. will tell ya more if i've got the time... oh by the way... heard that the new com will be dancing this friday?... true?... i really wish i could see... hehehe... god bless ya always newa... mucks!.... bye

picklemejesus!

2004-07-26T05:50:00.000-07:00

hey hey!.... so sorry again for not posting.... newa i would just like to say congrats to the new committee for getting chosen... i'll always keep u ppl in prayer k?..... don't worry i'll still be here no matter wat!... though *sob* sob* cause now i have 2 ex's in front... hehehe... but hey!... i'm really proud of each and everyone of u....
Newa.... life has been quite mundane... and i hope some exciting stuff will happen soon....i got nothing much to say ... i guess that's all for now... luv u all... miss ya all...

pickle me

2004-07-13T03:45:00.000-07:00

hey ppl!... so sorry so long never update... wanted to but my father desided that he should block any site which contain p*** and s** which is almost every site somehow... so everything was block and finally i manage to get it out of him... *sigh*... i couldn't even get into my mail....but now ok lah... newa.. skools.. ok... find it a bit of a struggle.. since have to adapt with the new enviorment thing... but over all.. it's ok... pls cont. to pray for me k?... i know somehow in my spirit that the djians here are gonna make a great impact in this skool... gtg.. sister wanna use the internet.. somehow always choose the wrong time to blog... also dunno why... *sigh*
pickle

2004-06-26T00:57:00.000-07:00

hey!..... i'm so sorry i just ran off like that... had to go out.... newa.... right now, i'm in taman sea skool doin f6 and not really too happy bout it.... also dunno why.. quite a burden to do it... if only my family had the finances, i wouldn't even be in this skool... sometimes i really regret studying in arts and many more things in life and that why have been feeling kinda down lately... i'm not too good with all this make a decision thing that is super important to your future... sigh... pls continue to pray for me that i'll know wat God wants in my life......
mandy...

2004-06-25T22:11:00.000-07:00

hey people!... so sorry i haven't been updating my blog for super long.... didn't really have the time... that's why i never had a diary.... newa i'm back from NS for good.... and it's been a super chun experience.... i never had so much fun in getting to know people and learning about how grateful we all should be... well... gtg... talk more later k?...

2004-04-10T05:43:00.000-07:00

hey ppl!... well i'm writing this in the comfort of my home so got all the time in the world.. =) hehehe.. newa... life in IPTA ia really boring and even with all the freedom in the world..because IPTA is so SO BIG.. can't go anyway without a bus which of course is not provided... can't see all the cute guys sweating it out anymore.. =( (hehehe..just joking)... newa... NS is SUper! cause i got to make great friends.. and i do mean great!i also got to appreciate malay songs and i totally love them! it's just amazing how touching the words can be if u really listen to them... i manage to learn a mandrine song too! took me a whole day and a lot of my freinds patient to just learn the chorus =p! but still manage to learn it... and there is also alot of cultures here that i love which makes me realise how wonderful and rich malaysia is.. got to learn some words in sarawak language and kelantan slang... so nice! got to try out the kompang and nasid... real cool!... i just know somehow that after this 3 months.. i'll be so sad to leave all of my frends here... it has been just so great here i just can't bear to think that it is going to be over so soon... of course there's also the bad side of it.. but that's what makes it so memorible and unforgetable... i'll tell u more k? but i came home for easter... take care ya all.. and thanks for all of ur never ending prayers i am really bless to hav so many wonderful friends like u all... love u ppl!
pickle..

2004-03-23T06:16:00.000-08:00

hey! people! wats up!.... surprise!... hehehe... i told u in uni sure got cyber cafe one... newa.. how's everyone doing...? i am.. so far surviving very well i have to say...hm... thanks to all the training i got in CF camp hehehe =P.. it was good after all!newa... life in NS is really as fun as i thought it would be.. we got to bath together in sarong which was new to me.. and now i'm pro at it! chewa...and i learn to actually be thankful for a nice bed and walls... especially "walls" that don't rattle and shake and make funny noises when there's rain...but it was fun while it lasted.. now i'm stuck back to normal like in ipta which isn't as fun and challenging as kkb.. which i actually have fallen for in this one month time... there's a lot of experience i wanna write but my time running out so gtg now... oh btw... the prayer meeting was to me a sucess even though only 5 out of 5o over christians come and pray... but do continue to pray fpor us and thanks so much for all ur concern and prayer i really appriciate it... talk to ya later k? God Bless You All!
pickle

2004-02-12T11:00:00.000-08:00

i just visited my friends blog and it really hurts to know that they are fighting and that there are so much problems in their life....sometimes i really dunno what to do..u know if only they could see how great God is how loving he is.. but they can't and my heart cries out to them... i pray..everynite that God will reveal himself to them that they will catch on the fire the passion and the cause that i have catch on.. it's just so wonderful so indescribable, this feeling that i have with God and i like the phrase 'no words can express' how awesome he is.. and i really wish my friends could see him as i see him, could taste him like how i taste him, could encounter him like how i encounter him... i just loved it when u feel that overwhelming feeling coming over u when u are in his presence and all u could do is go lower,lower and lower because u are just in so awe of him that u wanna give him the humbleness that he deserves and i just....love it and i really really want my friends to experience him for who he really is... i really love u all.. and if u're reading this i really want u all to make up... it hurts us all when this kind of thing happens..
pmj

2004-02-12T10:08:00.000-08:00

as some of u know ... i got in for Ns and i was excited ..(i know... wow.. somebody is actually exicted for NS)... but i am..or was... i'm feeling quite scared now.. i mean...how is it gonna be like? what to expect? will i make it through? suddenly all of this question fills my head and i reliase that i'm going off this monday! i mean wow! so short notice...i have a friend who's going with me for the phyical training but i have actually been placed in UIA.. that stands for universiti islamic antarabangsa...in gombak.. but i don't hav anyone going there and for tha first time i realise that i'm all alone and it scares me... if anyone of u are reading this.. pls.. call me up? and pray for me? i really need ur prayer cause u are all my friend...and i need ur support...
pmj

2004-02-12T09:27:00.000-08:00

hey people...
hm... i've been thinking a lot... well... can't blame me since i have all the time in the world.. and u know wat?.. i've been thinking bout all the people i've met and how God actually use all of them to teach me... i've met jesse... who had thought me how to go the extra mile in a friendship and i've met pheobe who had taught me patients and respect for people with different personality... and a lot more whom i can never name all but u know who u are... and i just wanna say that i'm truly grateful for everything all of u have taught me... i'm so blessed to have found such great people in my life and eventhough i've said this many times to some of u... but i still wanna thank you for putting up wif me thru all those times i've been wif u.....i've actually met a person, whom after two weeks of knowing me wrote a letter saying how bless that person was after meeting me and i felt the same way.. it was truly God's purpose that we should meet and i'm glad that we did... sometimes we think that the world is full of coincidences but the truth is NO... not everything is coincidence... everything happens for a purpose and when it comes to meeting a person... that purpose, i believe is to learn something from them... and i've learn a lot... it was like a revelation that hit me... it's like wow! we impact and get impacted by so many people... it's just great! only one more question that i'm worry bout.. and that's if we made the good impact...or the bad impact...if there's such a thing... hm... i hope i figure it out again...
pmj

2004-02-10T08:29:00.000-08:00

ok... so here's wat i have been up to lately.. for those who didn't know.. i was working for about 1 and a half months in 1u.. Lina accesories... it was opposite the ever so famous rotiboy! and truthfully if i ever had to eat another rotiboy or smell it... i would just urg...vomit all over... honestly.. but working was in a way a great experience.. since i was the only christian around u really had to influence people and be careful not to get influence by them... it's not like they were some kind of mean, wild gals.. they were great!.. great friends, great to work wif... just great we were all a bunch of whacks.. with me of course leading them.. hahaha... but i really pray that somehow.. i made an impact...that somehow i showed them what christians are suppose to be like and that i showed them what a life with jesus is all about....though i hated the fact that i couldn't attend church every sunday.... but i believe that i was trully bless cause working there actually opened more doors than i could ever imagine, i mean... all the ones i care about i manage to see them again... i made alot of new contacts... and i found old friendship's opening again... it was really more than what i asked for but even if there was a choice, i would still prefer to go to church cause i missed so much the worship, the people and most of all the precense of GOd, my GOd the only GOd i have ever loved... and he is just so gracious to me i have never felt a love more fulfilling, more satisfing that his love for me...oh how i love him... and that's why i say pick me! jesus... in whatever u need me to do pick me! and i will do it for u...
i guess that's all for now... somehow i always tend to stray... hm.. must learn to focus... newa i'm going to NS! pray for me!
yours truly,
pmj

2004-02-10T08:20:00.000-08:00

sheesh... i can't believe i actually let u ppl drag me into this... i'm telling u../ i really dun know if i can really keep this blog going.. and if NS has internat access... hopefully i can tell u guys wats going on in there... newa.. for my first input... i'm going to write bout why i name this blog picklemejesus (oh... isn't that a cute name for a blog?) hahaha... newa it came out cause i wanted a pick me jesus name.. but decided to add that 'le' at the back of pick cause when i was form 3 i was known as an pickle!.. dun ask why.. i'm just am.. i'm also known recently as wahliao bear bear... by me friends in my workplace.. newa.. i'm not too good in graphic design especially in websites... see howlah.. hopefully i can learn a thing or two.. ok..gtg..
grr....chiak!
pmj